I looked to the sky in the morning, but found no answers to the plethora of questions I had. There was only the warmth from the sun breathing life into a new day as it had done every morning since time eternal.

I looked to the sky at night, but found no answers still. There was only the incomprehensible vast depth of space reaching out in all directions.

And so I looked to myself. Fueled by passion that burnt as brightly as the sun, I realised I was like a star; just a spec of light amongst a multitude of others upon the dark fabric of life.

Copyright: authorchrisbrown


Being a Lighthouse

My son asked me ‘if you could describe yourself as an object, what would it be?’

Probably, a lighthouse on the end of a cliff. You see the ocean is like life. Sometimes it’s calm and tranquil, other times a little choppy and rough. Other times the waves are so strong and tall they threaten to consume me. Yet here I stand, defiant in spite of the storms shining my light on whoever so wishes to seek it.

I think most of the analogy was lost on the poor lad, but in time I hope he too will learn to stand defiant through the storms of life and I pray he does a better job at it than I do.



Every second of every minute, that makes up the hours of my day are spent in worry and fear for the safety and well being of my children, my family and my future wife. I worry if they’re happy, do they have enough to grow and flourish. As a son, I worry about my elders. As a parent I worry about my children and those of my partner. As a future husband I worry about whether I can offer the kind of life my sweetheart so richly deserves. And of course I’ve been blessed with being introduced to grandchildren, so it’s my duty to worry about them too.

It’s all too easy to gift the younger generations all the things you yourself missed out on growing up, toys video games and designer clothes. But one thing my parents always taught me, more valuable than any material possession, was to create memories. Toys break, video games grow old and clothes fade. Memories are the things you take to the grave.

So yes I worry. I think I earned the right to worry. So much of last year and the beginning of this have been lost, and yet I’ll always remember April 2020 as the date I found love, was welcomed into a new family and a new reason to make memories. July 2021 I become the dad of an 18 year old. Dates keep coming, and become more important and significant with each one. Not one though, makes me worry any less.


Just a Question

What is it to live these days?
I spend most of my time locked up doing the things that pays for the box I’m locked in.
And to make box more aesthetically pleasing, costs more money, and so spend more time working to afford the things I have no time to admire.
The friends I’ve made have become nothing more than recognisable text on a screen, that offer a worded “hello” or an emoji, that it becomes weird and awkward speaking, let alone seeing them in person.
My mind feels starved of stimulus, instead taking on board garbage from the television or radio, until my sanity snaps and I reach for yet another book.
Dark nights draw in early, weather’s still cold, and a warm duvet is often a welcome respite from the monotony of the day.
I miss laughter, the sound of pointless banter. I miss being sociable and getting together with like minded folk to discuss things of interest.
I miss hugs and I miss kisses.
Living alone, even with creature comforts of life, is lonely, ever so lonely.
So I ask again, what is it to live these days?

Copyright: authorchrisbrown


Finding Faith

Life through my eyes 3

It wasn’t about finding some revelation
An euphoria moment that opened my eyes
I was taught the stories in school
By half hearted teachers that left me more questions than answers

Nor was it pandering to others
Changing of beliefs to seek favour in a new relationship
Afterall I was baptized as a child, and yet
Given the freedom to seek my own mind upon religion and faith

To many it seems incomprehensible
That in my days of loneliness and everything seems against me
I should have someone in which to offload
Not always in silent prayer, but in anger and frustration

There is comfort unleashing your feelings
To someone who will not judge or shout back
But will give you the benefit of a new day in which to find calm
To me, it has become more than religion but a relationship

Having faith that light will always follow darkness
That the power of song can lift and most flattened of moods
I would rather be looked at funny for finding strength
And shunned for seeking shelter in the arms of The Lord.

Copyright: authorchrisbrown


Life through my eyes 2

A searing pain picks away at old forgotten scars
Remnants of a broken heart shattered in a former life
Self-doubt and self-worth the evil twins
Reborn to surface and plaque me once again
As they did through years of betrayal and mistrust

And though for all the pain and hurt I was feeling
I harboured no malice or grudge in the direction of my wrong doer
Better to love and see them happy, than filled with tears
A new life to grow and enhance their family
Through sorrow and pain came compassion and humility

But then through darkness came stars
With the passing of the storm I saw a rainbow
From where once I was seen as intimidating and unapproachable
Friendship blossomed, the pain eased and the scars formed again
The shoots of romance sprouted and began to entwine

A magnificent rose, a beacon of shining light, showing me the way
I would dream of writing love letters on her body with my kiss
Worshipping her every footstep through a life untold
Giving her my all in exchange for her hand and a life as her partner
A union under The Grace of God till the end of our days

The evil twins still lurk in the shadows
Born of past failures and historic regrets
I still wear the scars of long time battles fought
But I show them proudly as scripture to my life’s endeavours
And know they will be read and remembered for good and bad in equal measure

Copyright: authorchrisbrown


Absent for too long

Life through my eyes

My eyes are straining against the gloom
Another morning at the end of interrupted sleep
Mind too fogged up with thoughts and emotions
With no work to focus on, trivial things play heavy

There’s no point to getting dressed
So head downstairs to flick the switch on the kettle
More so out of habitual routine than actual desire
Lethargy has definitely taken hold as I stare blankly out the window

Resisting the urge to put on the TV, I turn the radio
For a moment all seems right in the world
Song fills the air and my mood is momentarily uplifted
Until the government COVID warning advert starts

The reminder that we are all confined to our homes
Grown adults grounded like naughty children
Presented with daily figures and new variant strains
Days become weeks, weeks become months

Social media rife with propaganda and conspiracy theories
Views and beliefs argued amongst one time friends
All too much for my mind to process and make sense of
I slump on the sofa and allow my thoughts fly to happier times.

Copyright: authorchrisbrown


Progress doesn’t come easy

Conflicting emotions at the minute with respect to the direction my writing is heading.

I’m currently devoting time to various projects that seem to have differing excitment levels among those that follow my work.

▪ A collection of stories that you guys inspired with your random objects and genre.

▪ Fantasy based D&D romp that will be my longest book to date.

▪ Book Two in the Lucia series.

▪ One for those that enjoyed 31 Sleeps and tells Sam’s Story.

▪ Standalone. The book long time in the writing that is so near and yet so far from completion.

I know already those that will encourage the completion of Standalone, and I really want to bring you that story to the best of my ability.

Stick with me guys. I know there hasn’t been anything for a good while, but I am getting there. Honest!