Just a Question

What is it to live these days?
I spend most of my time locked up doing the things that pays for the box I’m locked in.
And to make box more aesthetically pleasing, costs more money, and so spend more time working to afford the things I have no time to admire.
The friends I’ve made have become nothing more than recognisable text on a screen, that offer a worded “hello” or an emoji, that it becomes weird and awkward speaking, let alone seeing them in person.
My mind feels starved of stimulus, instead taking on board garbage from the television or radio, until my sanity snaps and I reach for yet another book.
Dark nights draw in early, weather’s still cold, and a warm duvet is often a welcome respite from the monotony of the day.
I miss laughter, the sound of pointless banter. I miss being sociable and getting together with like minded folk to discuss things of interest.
I miss hugs and I miss kisses.
Living alone, even with creature comforts of life, is lonely, ever so lonely.
So I ask again, what is it to live these days?

Copyright: authorchrisbrown

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When

When your fears turns to tears, and dreams crumble into decaying debris.

When salvation becomes the barrel of a loaded gun and you drink your poison to numb the pain.

When every fibre of you soul is manipulated like a marionette’s strings, pushed and pulled beyond you will.

When a heart doesn’t break, but it cracks and shatters into millions of pieces lifting into the night sky to join the stars.

When the words have been spoken and all feelings gone.

That is when it’s the end.

Copyright: authorchrisbrown

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Finding Reason

‘Understanding’

To my left stands an Angel tending to my tears. “What did you do?” she asks soothingly.

On my right a Devil. “It’s not your fault!” he says rubbing my shoulder with his talloned hand.

Like an island isolated by a maddening sea, I stand resolute understanding their words, yet let them fall upon my ear, waves upon a rocky shore.

Copyright: authorchrisbrown

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Brave the Shave 2019

This me. A hairy tattooed lover of heavy metal.

This time last year my mother passed away after a brief battle with cancer. In her honour, and to raise money for the Mcmillan Nurses who eased her pains during her stay in hospital, I have decided to undertake the Brave the Shave 2019.

The long hair and beard will all go, and be donated to a charity that makes wigs for cancer survivors.

My hair loss will be temporary. The loss of my mother permanent. If you can, and only if you can, spare a little loose change to make a donation, it is all going to such a deserving cause.

https://bravetheshave.macmillan.org.uk/shavers/chris-brown2

Thank you for just reading.

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Remembered

Upon your leaving,

A distinctive shape of you,

Remained gaping as you left my heart.

Time heals

Makes you forget

Then a passing figure

A glimmer of remembrance

Eyes that pulled me in

Distance parts you

Out of sight out of mind

But I remembered you

A twinge in my rebuilt heart

You walk away

Leaving me a ghost to my emotions

Copyright: authorchrisbrown

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Trapped

I feel the hurt portrayed in your eyes
The spiralling descent into nothingness
An abyss of depression
The fight lost
Over as exhaustion consumes you

The rut you were once in widens
Looking up from a chasm of constant similarity
Everything’s the same
The wheel of time turning
Fragments of yourself trodden underfoot

There is no anger to consume you
The fires of emotion extinguished long ago
An empty shell
Meandering along
Trapped like a slave to a life confined

Copyright: authorchrisbrown

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