Little Jimmy looked intently at his mother as she started to explain that “nothing in life is ever handed to you on a plate…..” but before she had chance to finish, little Jimmy asked innocently “so are we having soup for tea tonight?”

Copyright: authorchrisbrown


Honest Question

A little boy asks,

‘Dad, how was I born?’

The dad replies,

‘Mom and I set up a date via e-mail and we met at a cyber-cafe. We went into a quiet room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said: ‘You got Male!’’

Copyright: authorchrisbrown


Last Day 18+ NSFW

6:00 am The regular morning alarm sounded under his right ear, the location of his phone under his pillow as usual. He looked at his wife still asleep next to him and juggled the decision of waking her by sucking upon her breasts, or going down on her. He opted for the latter.

6:10 am She was sat riding his cock after being given the most amazing wake up orgasm with his tongue, determined now to make him fill her with his hot cum.

6:30 am She lay thoroughly satisfied upon the bed, sleep threatening to consume her as he had. He smiled and headed to the bathroom to prepare for work.

7:00 am Grabbing his coat and keys, he leaves the house, silently so as not to wake her. Getting into his car, he turns up the music and sets off for work.

7:25 am He finds himself in the usual nose to tail gridlock of snail paced traffic, looking forward to the next hour of nudging slowly towards the day ahead.

8:42 am Arriving at work, the usual eye roll of contemplation is replaced with a warm smile. He’s greeted by Alice the company secretary in her usual cheerful manner. He reaches out for her to take his hand, to which she curiously obliges.

8:45 am Alice is bent over within a bathroom cubicle, pants around her ankles as he eats her pussy from behind. She was young and fresh, completely shaven and sweet upon his lips. Moments later he was deep inside her, grabbing at her tiny perky breasts. He wasn’t sure if it was the best sex she’d had, but she sure as hell made encouraging noises to suggest it was.

9:37 am He left Alice to straighten up, making his way to his to his desk and the pile of paperwork waiting for him. In a moment of what could be called complete insanity, he threw the entire pile up in the air and watched smiling as it all came cascading down around him.

9:40 am He leaves the office for the final time and gets back into his car. Turning the music up to max, he just drove.

**Meanwhile, at the same time, a scream erupts from a familiar bathroom as a wife discovers her husband has taken with him all of their toilet roll**

Copyright: authorchrisbrown


Alternative Fairytale

Once upon a time, in a parallel universe, the princess was a bit of a minger and knights were geeky and weak.

Oh yeah, and dragons kicked ass and chewed regularly upon ill advised knights as well as the odd minger.

Happily ever after? Sure, if you were built like a proverbial shit house, could fly and breath fire!

The End.

Copyright: authorchrisbrown


Velvet Rose

I gave my love a silver ring
Said “It’s you that I adore”
She placed it in a trinket box
Then threw me out the door

I gave my love some sweet perfume
She fumed “You think I smell?”
I threw myself right out that door
Before she gave me Hell

I gave my love a chocolate heaven
Sweets from all round the world
I slammed the door and ran away
As each one at me she hurled

I gave my love a single rose
Of deepest velvet red
She pulled me in and closed the door
Then lead me to her bed

It’s not that easy being a man
Knowing just what gift to give
But persevere, you’ll get it right
And for the rest they will forgive

Copyright: authorchrisbrown


Dick Pics

So there I was talking to a lovely lady online, and things were going amazingly. Out of the blue she asked if I’d send her a couple of dick pics. Well ok I thought, bit weird, but whatever.

I sent three: Whittington, Turpin and Van Dyke, thinking those were probably the most well known.

Not sure that it impressed her much though, as I’ve yet to hear back from her.

Copyright: authorchrisbrown



As he walked up behind her, his eyes travelled the long expanse that were her legs, mentally undressing her in his mind.

When she turned to greet him, all his dreams appeared to come true as she presented him with breasts he’d have happily suffocate himself between.

Sadly, her personality was a dull as a narcoleptic with sleeping pills. Alcohol was going to be needed, and lots of it.

Copyright: authorchrisbrown


Writing Challenge #8

This challenge was to write a piece of Poetry about a refrigerator.

The dark veil of night,
Saturates my room,
From deepest slumber,
I awaken abruptly.

Careful footsteps,
Avoiding undue noise,
To awaken others,
Would curtail my plan.

Down wooden steps,
Into darkness further,
A nightfall quest,
For treats denied.

The refrigerator door,
Opened to light illuminating,
A heavenly glow,
To the treasure inside.

Copyright: authorchrisbrown