Word / Genre Challenge #3

Word: Flip Flops

Genre: Dark Comedy

They were always within easy reach of my mother’s hand. No matter where she was, even though she wouldn’t be wearing them, they were always reachable.

I’m talking about those battered, once favourite, rubber and plastic foot attire. The ones where the toe separator has popped out, and though you push it back through the hole in the sole, it still pops right back out.

Not that you’d want to touch the sole, as it still has the indented remnants of your mother’s feet permanently ingrained upon them.

For years they tortured your hearing, the *thwack-thwack* as they slapped against the underside of her feet as she walked, then they filled you with fear if you so much as said a wrong word or misbehaved.

For something so light weight an un aerodynamic, they could be hurled with amazing accuracy to bounce off the back of your head when you weren’t looking, and heaven forbid you were close enough to be caught.

No amount of padding could numb the pain of those slabs of rubber being brought down with force upon young spungey naked ass cheeks.

Copyright: authorchrisbrown

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Honest Question

A little boy asks,

‘Dad, how was I born?’

The dad replies,

‘Mom and I set up a date via e-mail and we met at a cyber-cafe. We went into a quiet room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said: ‘You got Male!’’

Copyright: authorchrisbrown

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Alternative Fairytale

Once upon a time, in a parallel universe, the princess was a bit of a minger and knights were geeky and weak.

Oh yeah, and dragons kicked ass and chewed regularly upon ill advised knights as well as the odd minger.

Happily ever after? Sure, if you were built like a proverbial shit house, could fly and breath fire!

The End.

Copyright: authorchrisbrown

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Velvet Rose

I gave my love a silver ring
Said “It’s you that I adore”
She placed it in a trinket box
Then threw me out the door

I gave my love some sweet perfume
She fumed “You think I smell?”
I threw myself right out that door
Before she gave me Hell

I gave my love a chocolate heaven
Sweets from all round the world
I slammed the door and ran away
As each one at me she hurled

I gave my love a single rose
Of deepest velvet red
She pulled me in and closed the door
Then lead me to her bed

It’s not that easy being a man
Knowing just what gift to give
But persevere, you’ll get it right
And for the rest they will forgive

Copyright: authorchrisbrown

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Writing Challenge #7

This challenge was to write a story in the Fetishism genre using the keywords: Electric Toothbrush.  Some may deem this 18+ NSFW 

The teenage years. Boys, unwanted hair growth, equally unwanted huge breasts that meant bras were practical but ugly, spots and blood loss. Oh my god! How can a woman lose so much blood and not need a transfusion? And don’t even get me started on the hormones and endless crying for no reason. I hated being a teenager. 

I’m Rachel by the way, a thirteen year old slightly plump spotty newly teen, with a hatred and love of boys in equal measure. One boy in particular actually, Jordan Knight from NKOTB. I’ve got his picture everywhere, and one day he will have mine. In fact we will be in them together!

“Rachel, are you in the bathroom?”

That’s my dad. Super cool and I love him to bits, but I’d never let him know that. He still thinks of me as his little princess and goes all Alpha male when the subject of sex comes up. ‘Well you’re better off having those discussions with your mom’ he’d say quickly changing the subject.

“No! I’m in my room.”

“Good. I need to freshen up and brush my teeth before taking your mom out. You’ll still be okay on your own won’t you? You’ve got Nanna’s phone number haven’t you?”

Two things: Firstly, my dad was the master of stringing multiple sentences into one long continuous ramble.  Secondly, and more alarmingly, he wasn’t going to find his toothbrush.

Girls talk. I don’t know who was first to try it, but eventually I had to. Just out of curiosity and because Tracey said it made her tingle and almost pee herself. She wasn’t wrong. Five times I’d used it today already, and really should have put it back before now.

“Baby! Have you seen my toothbrush?”

That was directed at my mom! Things are going to get really embarrassing if she gets involved, because she’ll straight up ask the questions my dad won’t. Wish me luck!

Copyright: authorchrisbrown 

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