Blind Date  18+ NSFW 

The thing about blind dates, is the excitement at never really knowing who you’re going to meet. I’d been on several, some good, some I’d wish I could remove from my memory all together. Take this one date for example, where the alarm bells should have sounded, was when asked to meet her at the local cemetery around midnight. Add in her name Phylexia Fuckwhore, and any normal person would have stayed home with their Horlicks and watched crappy TV. Me, I was intrigued, okay it was the name Fuckwhore!

So there I am looking like some douche in a teen horror movie waiting to be bumped off, in a cemetery carrying chocolates and flowers. The female that turned up to meet me, I’ll admit, scarred the living bejesus out of me. She was wearing next to nothing save a little fishnet here and pvc there, the most ridiculously high boots and a backpack that looked suspiciously like a bat. Oh and tattoos as well as more piercings than I could count.

“A little cliched, flowers and chocolates on a first date!” see said, eyeing my obvious nervous disposition.

“A little cliched a goth in cemetery at midnight,” I retorted, not even sure if she was indeed a goth.

She stepped in closer and pushed me backwards forcing me to drop my gifts. ‘Perhaps not a goth then,’ I thought.

“I like to fuck under the moon, in the presence of my ancestors. We will entwine our bodies as one and offer ourselves so as to satisfy our carnal desires.”

Now here’s the thing, I’m quite a liberal minded kinda guy and the chance to get my end away on a first date, well that’s the jackpot of dates. But when she stripped down and her nether region was adorned with more metal rings than a suit of chain mail, I had to think about the preservation of my manhood. I’m pretty sure there are some fancy names for the parts she had jewellery, but it wasn’t going to cheese grate my penis.

I’m ashamed to say it, I ran faster than Shaggy and Scooby from a cartoon monster, but it hasn’t put me off dating. I’ll just stick to more normal named girls.

Copyright: authorchrisbrown 

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